Nurse: Doctor, I think we've lost the patient
Surgeon: No, he's right here on the table!
*drums and cymbals*

It seems that everyone is sick right now (Anh, everyone in my class, me and possibly Joanne although 'she got bettah'). The problem with being sick is that one must go to the doctor. I hate doctors. That's why I'm going to marry one. Oh, and my sister is one too.

Really though, it isn't so much the doctor as the doctor's office. Specifically, the reception area of the doctor's office. I walk in and I'm feeling cranky from being sick already, only to find out that I can't see a doctor until the following week. Then the lady at reception demands to know what you want to see the doctor for and it's ridiculous! Everyone else in the damned room can overhear everything and it's just awful. I mean, what if I was seeing the doctor for something serious? What if I wanted an STD test or a pregnancy test or a Pap Smear or something?!

It's bad enough having to say, "I need to see a doctor cus I'm sick." They seem dissatisfied with that answer and just keep staring at you until you feel like if you don't list out all your symptoms on the spot, they'll pull out the semmiautomatic from under the desk and blow your brains out over the "YOU MIGHT BE AT RISK FOR AN STD" poster on the wall behind you.

It's like the time in undergrad when I volunteered at the UA hospital and had to get a TB test before I could volunteer. The ladies at the reception for the health center there were also lovely and indiscreet. "WHAT?! YOU NEED A TUBERCULOSIS TEST? Well sit down. It'll be a few minutes." The whole reception area cleared away for me to sit down. I faked a few coughs for amusement.

I also recall the time the nurses at the front desk handed me a jar in front of a super busy waiting room and basically gave me the "FILL ER UP!" speech in front of everyone. And then, as I'm walking out of the room, they yelled after me, "AND YOU KNOW TO WIPE FRONT TO BACK, RIGHT?"
"Yeah! Yeah I know." I ducked and hid behind the little cup and meandered my way out to the nearest bathroom.

And then there're the free condoms. Allbeit, we should all be mature about birth control and what not, but do they need to put the big clear bucket of condoms right in the middle of the reception area?!!! It seriously is sitting right on the counter in the middle of the room and everyone is sitting at such an angle that it is totally visible to them. It reminds me of those little clear buckets of lollipops they have beside the cash register at some restaurants. "Thanks for coming to the health center. Don't forget your free condom(s)!" Only, they don't have that sign up. Instead, they have a sign saying, "PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE AND LIMIT YOURSELF TO 2 FREE CONDOMS PER VISIT." Really, going up to the jar in front of everyone to grab out one condom would be bad enough. You'd have to be sick to consider grabbing out two (unless you justify it by telling yourself that you won't have to do it again in a while).

Apparently, my profs went into the health center to grab some condoms for our class demonstration in histology (they were trying to demonstrate how a kidney glomerular apparatus works. don't ask how a condom fit into all that) and the health center even refused to give them more than 2 condoms. I can just see the two distinguished lookiing profs begging for more condoms though. I got a good kick out of that.

I managed to survive my trip to the doctors though and was told, for all my troubles, that I merely have a minor viral flu of some sort. In the meantime, I am not to consume caffeine or alcohol (!) and I'm supposed to get lots of bedrest (!!).

After I collected myself from rolling on the floor laughing, I thanked the good doctor for her "advice" and ran back to the vet building where I had another laughing fit on the ramp leading to the door. "no caffeine or alcohol! HAHAHAHA! BEDREST?!!! OH! It just works on so many levels."

Doctors. . . they are such funny creatures.