THIS SUCKS (literally)

I've only been awake for less than an hour but already, I'm ready to go back to bed and stay there in fetal position for the rest of hte day.

I finally managed to sleep in past 7:30am this morning and was happily in dream land only to have my sleep-in efforts ruined by a loud knocking, then crash, as my older sister Karen threw open the door. She has a flair for drama.

"HEY VIV! WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO TO THE HOT TUB ROOM LAST NIGHT? IT' S FLOODED!!!!!"

I groggily opened my eyes and raised my head. "Wha-?"

"IT'S COVERED IN THIS MUCH WATER ALL OVER THE HOT TUB ROOM!!!" she made the hand gesture showing, what I can only assume was 3 inches of water as I didn't have my glasses on and am blind as a bat without them.

I squinted and nodded and then put my head back on the pillow as a signal that I didn't care at hte moment and would rather be sleeping.

"WELL? DIDN'T YOU GO IN THERE LAST NIGHT?"

"noooo, I was upstairs the whole night. I'm pretty sure Hugh and Thinh didn't do anything to it. Calm down. Fine. OK. I'm up."

My voice cracked with fatigue as I delivered my last statement. I got up and meandered downstairs to the kitchen. My mother was running around like a chicken with its head cut off and my dad was nowhere to be seen. Presumably, he was in the basement battlig the evil forces of water.

"YOUR DAD'S LOSING IT." my mother shouted at me then frantically flipped through the yellow pages looking for plumbers. Personally, I thought she was projecting her feelings on my dad.

I bumped into my dad on the way downstairs and asked him about the new guy we hired to work on Monday. He just shook his head and then mumbled something about pumping water out of the basement then stopped, looked stunned, and headed back downstairs.

I went back up to my mom and I asked her more and she told me the new guy from China that we hired came to work on Monday, then left early and didn't show up on Tuesday. He said it was too much work even though all he had to do was fry the dry spare ribs. What a wimp.

So now we are short-staffed again plus our basement is flooded.

The guy we hired from China was a bit of a weirdo anyways though cus he called on Sunday night, during rush hour, to confirm when to show up to work the next day. He apparently speaks three langauges but when I answered the phone, it went something like this:

"More than Icecream can I help you?"
"Uhhhhh"
"yes? Can I help you?"
"Uhhhhhhhh"
"Would you like food?"
"Uhhh, yes."
"yes? you want food? good! Pick-up or delivery!"
"Uhhhhhhh"
"Look. Do you speak ENGLISH? Do you speak CHINESE?!!!!!!"
"Uhhh, yes."
"Good! chinese right?"
I broke into Cantonese and was asking him what hte hell he wanted and he just went
"uhhhhhhhhh. Owner. I talk to owner."
"GOOD RIDDENS. DAAAAAAAAAAAAAD"

My dad came over and started in Cantonese, realised that didnt work and then started in Mandarin. Next thing you know, my dad goes "GOOD RIDDENS! VIVIAN, GO GET YOUR MOTHER."

So my mom finally gets on the phone and breaks into Mandarin. She kind of stopped and tried Cantonese. Then some English. My mother is fluent in all three plus a few obscure Norhtern China languages. After a good 15 minutes, finally she shouts "GOOD RIDDENS" and hangs up.

I realised that the dude couldn't speak any language fluently. MEaning he is fluent in nothing and makes no sense and understands nothing when spoken to. I was curious to see what he would be like the next day but I had the day off and wild horses couldn't drag me near Strathmore on my day off.

Well, my mom said this morning that he never showed up for work yesterday and that when he was working his one day, he kept telling everyone he was 30-something when on his resume, it said he was 41.

Sigh. So anyhow, my parents are losing it and the basement's flooded and I'm supposed to be keeping a watch of the water pump and keep the phone with me till the plumber or the contracter that built our pool room calls. This entails me sitting here, in the semi-dark lights of hte hot-tub room, watching the water pump all alone. Yay. MEanwhile, I need a shower and to brush my teeth and I'm afriad to leave hte pump or phone in case the dudes call in that time.

My mom has given me the day off which is actually disappointing as today is the Toronto-lady's day off. That and I'd rather be serving chicken balls to weirdos than rotting in my basement alone by myself watching smelly rainwater get sucked into a pump.

Great. Karen just came down and started calling me names like "Phantom" and "the keeper of the dungeons" cus I'm sitting here in the semi-darkness by myself. "OY! JUST GO TO WORK WOMAN! THE SICKIES NEED YOU!"

I can't believe she's a doctor and nearly 30 and still calling me names. Sigh.

Well, unless I end up dying from boredom or getting sucked into the pump myself, you shall all be hearing from me again in a few days.

Congrats again to Thinh for his convocation. Congrats to Brett too, who coincidentally graduated one row ahead of Thinh. And congrats to Ngoc Anh, Hugh and Thinh's mom (who's a hottie) for staying awake with me through the graduation ceremony!!! The gymnasium was unnaturally cold and for a while there, I didn't think we were gonna make it . . . haha.

Till next time, stay afloat and wherever you are, I hope you are having more fun than me (although being a hot tub room phantom does have it's perks like, uh, like, NOTHING!)

Blog out.

-The Phantom of the Hot Tub Room

PS: Now I remember why I never come home for the summer. In the words of the water pump beside me, "THIS SUCKS."
PPS: I apologise for momentary lapse in good taste. Punny jokes about water pumps sucking will never appear on this blog again.