My Hell
I'm not sure why I always do this to myself. The last-minute cramming, the panic, the agony.
The sheer terror.
I vow each time that it will be my last, but it's like an abusive relationship. "I'll never do that to myself again! I'll study early from now on! I swear babe!"
And of course, come time for the next exam, I'm stuck making excuses.
"I'm only doing this to myself cus I love me. Maybe if I wear big sunglasses and a longsleeve shirt, no one will notice."
Or maybe my last-minute studying is like an addiction to drugs. I was doing so well last semmester, only to fall off the cart again. It started as procrastination, then denial, then full-blown idiocy. It was like a downward spiral into hell.
And this is my hell.
It's nearly midnight the night before my big Systemic Pathology exam and I've barely made it through the notes once. My last two days have been spent falling asleep over my notes and I haven't memorized a damned thing. I ended up falling asleep on my couch the previous two nights and then not hearing my alarm in the morning and missing class. So essentially, I not only haven't studied for this exam, I'm also missing two days worth of notes for all my other classes.
Plus I got a wicked krick in my neck from sleeping on the couch two nights in a row.
My apartment is a mess. I've given up on doing dishes and laundry until I'm done my exams. I've eaten almost every item of crap in my cupboards and am in desperate need of some vitamins and sunlight. My phone is out of batteries, I desperately need to wash my hair and if I don't throw out my garbage soon, it's going to start singing to me.
I'm not sure whether I should keep going knowing full well it's too late, or if I should just give up and go to bed.
On the other hand, I could simply sit here and scream into a pillow until I pass out.
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPHHHHHHHPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"MMMMMMPPPPPPPPHHHHHH"
"MMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPHHHHHHH"
*thud*
The sheer terror.
I vow each time that it will be my last, but it's like an abusive relationship. "I'll never do that to myself again! I'll study early from now on! I swear babe!"
And of course, come time for the next exam, I'm stuck making excuses.
"I'm only doing this to myself cus I love me. Maybe if I wear big sunglasses and a longsleeve shirt, no one will notice."
Or maybe my last-minute studying is like an addiction to drugs. I was doing so well last semmester, only to fall off the cart again. It started as procrastination, then denial, then full-blown idiocy. It was like a downward spiral into hell.
And this is my hell.
It's nearly midnight the night before my big Systemic Pathology exam and I've barely made it through the notes once. My last two days have been spent falling asleep over my notes and I haven't memorized a damned thing. I ended up falling asleep on my couch the previous two nights and then not hearing my alarm in the morning and missing class. So essentially, I not only haven't studied for this exam, I'm also missing two days worth of notes for all my other classes.
Plus I got a wicked krick in my neck from sleeping on the couch two nights in a row.
My apartment is a mess. I've given up on doing dishes and laundry until I'm done my exams. I've eaten almost every item of crap in my cupboards and am in desperate need of some vitamins and sunlight. My phone is out of batteries, I desperately need to wash my hair and if I don't throw out my garbage soon, it's going to start singing to me.
I'm not sure whether I should keep going knowing full well it's too late, or if I should just give up and go to bed.
On the other hand, I could simply sit here and scream into a pillow until I pass out.
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPHHHHHHHPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"MMMMMMPPPPPPPPHHHHHH"
"MMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPHHHHHHH"
*thud*
posted by Viv at 11:22 p.m.
2 Comments:
Hey Viv,
you know what they say, "once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator". or I just made that up. either way, I don't know what to tell ya cuz I've been in that same boat 1000 times and back! You know what you're doing is wrong but you can't stop doing it! It's crazy....the only solution? I think is old age because then you'll have mellowed out, and you won't even make the effort to cram (of course you'll also be out of school by then - touche). Good luck though and remember this feeling for next time (hah!)
The screaming into the pillow thing was funny.
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