Expletive deleted
The sun was shining, birds were singing and everywhere in Saskatoon, the snow was melting. Giant piles of dog poo, hidden away by months of winter, emerged like spring blossoms on the city sidewalks.
On the roads, where there was once five inches of hard-packed snow, glorious two-foot deep potholes lay like little land mines- just waiting for someone silly enough to drive over one.
Vivian was one such silly person.
Full of a burger, fries and shake from the quaint little diner on Broadway, Vivian felt ready to take on the world. She decided it was too nice of a day to take over the world, so instead, she turned up her music, sang along and proceded to drive on home.
A car was stopped a bit ahead, and she slowed down to 40km/hr. The car sped away as she approached and Vivian was momentarily distracted by the sun glaring off a giant puddle of slush.
It was at that point that her left front wheel hit the biggest pothole in Saskatoon. We're talking the GODFATHER of all potholes. The BIG BOSS. THE ULTIMATE. THE ONE.
For a second, it almost felt like she had driven off the edge of the world. One moment, there was nothing. And then . . . THUD!
With a sickening crash and thud, Vivian's wheels bounced past the pothole.
"@$#%! I just fixed my alignment over reading week!" thought Vivian to herself.
She cursed. But the worse was yet to come.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
"What's that sound?"
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
Vivian's car began shaking and pulling to the left.
Then Vivian really began cursing.
She pulled over into the parking lot of the Superstore. She noticed her car was tipped to the left and she felt a lot closer to the ground in the drivers seat than she should have been. Getting out of the car, she noticed her left front tire was COMPLETELY deflated. She had been driving on her rim for the last block.
"F*CK!!!! CAN ANYTHING ELSE BAD HAPPEN TO MY CAR THIS YEAR?! CAN IT?!"
It had indeed been a bad year. First her transmission had been replaced, then there was that accident that she had gotten into after her Large animal medicine midterm from hell, then there was that wonderful detour into the ditch on the way home for reading week, and then someone had kindly shot a BB gun pellet through her hind window while it was parked at school at 4 in the afternoon last week.
And now she had a tire that rivalled the flatness of the Saskatchewan landscape.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH #$*@&@^#$*&(@*#$@&@!!!!!!!"
Vivian slammed her car door shut and walked the three blocks in her uncomfy pretty shoes to the nearest tire store and was told to call a tow truck.
$30 dollars later, she was told to bring her car into the tire shop on Wednesday and until then, not to go past 80km/hr or her spare tire would die on her and then she'd be pooched.
"Oh, and try not to hit any more potholes."
"Yeah. Kinda figured that. Thanks."
To the roads and transportation department of Saskatomb, I offer a big "F*CK YOU".
A similar greeting goes out to the giant vortex on Dufferin ave that so cruelly deflated my left front tire.
In the meantime, I'm off to feed and walk four sled dogs. Here's hoping that they don't draw and quarter me William Wallace style.
I ate a chocolate bar while I was waiting for the tow truck. I think I need another one. But that'll just make my spare tire worse (and I'm not talking about the one on my car right now)
I guess I'll just settle for a hug at this point. Woe is me.
On the roads, where there was once five inches of hard-packed snow, glorious two-foot deep potholes lay like little land mines- just waiting for someone silly enough to drive over one.
Vivian was one such silly person.
Full of a burger, fries and shake from the quaint little diner on Broadway, Vivian felt ready to take on the world. She decided it was too nice of a day to take over the world, so instead, she turned up her music, sang along and proceded to drive on home.
A car was stopped a bit ahead, and she slowed down to 40km/hr. The car sped away as she approached and Vivian was momentarily distracted by the sun glaring off a giant puddle of slush.
It was at that point that her left front wheel hit the biggest pothole in Saskatoon. We're talking the GODFATHER of all potholes. The BIG BOSS. THE ULTIMATE. THE ONE.
For a second, it almost felt like she had driven off the edge of the world. One moment, there was nothing. And then . . . THUD!
With a sickening crash and thud, Vivian's wheels bounced past the pothole.
"@$#%! I just fixed my alignment over reading week!" thought Vivian to herself.
She cursed. But the worse was yet to come.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
"What's that sound?"
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
Vivian's car began shaking and pulling to the left.
Then Vivian really began cursing.
She pulled over into the parking lot of the Superstore. She noticed her car was tipped to the left and she felt a lot closer to the ground in the drivers seat than she should have been. Getting out of the car, she noticed her left front tire was COMPLETELY deflated. She had been driving on her rim for the last block.
"F*CK!!!! CAN ANYTHING ELSE BAD HAPPEN TO MY CAR THIS YEAR?! CAN IT?!"
It had indeed been a bad year. First her transmission had been replaced, then there was that accident that she had gotten into after her Large animal medicine midterm from hell, then there was that wonderful detour into the ditch on the way home for reading week, and then someone had kindly shot a BB gun pellet through her hind window while it was parked at school at 4 in the afternoon last week.
And now she had a tire that rivalled the flatness of the Saskatchewan landscape.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH #$*@&@^#$*&(@*#$@&@!!!!!!!"
Vivian slammed her car door shut and walked the three blocks in her uncomfy pretty shoes to the nearest tire store and was told to call a tow truck.
$30 dollars later, she was told to bring her car into the tire shop on Wednesday and until then, not to go past 80km/hr or her spare tire would die on her and then she'd be pooched.
"Oh, and try not to hit any more potholes."
"Yeah. Kinda figured that. Thanks."
To the roads and transportation department of Saskatomb, I offer a big "F*CK YOU".
A similar greeting goes out to the giant vortex on Dufferin ave that so cruelly deflated my left front tire.
In the meantime, I'm off to feed and walk four sled dogs. Here's hoping that they don't draw and quarter me William Wallace style.
I ate a chocolate bar while I was waiting for the tow truck. I think I need another one. But that'll just make my spare tire worse (and I'm not talking about the one on my car right now)
I guess I'll just settle for a hug at this point. Woe is me.
posted by Viv at 3:59 p.m.
1 Comments:
That's too bad about your car. Believe it or not but pot holes are also a menace to people on bikes. Well at least you have your bad luck, I fear what things would be like if you didn't have that. What likely happened was that your tire was underinflated, you should check your tire air pressure weekly. With the tire been underinflated it can quite easily shift off of the rim, as happened here = instantly flat.
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