Choose your own adventure
It's been almost two months of this internship and we're all settling into our roles rather nicely. Small little wars and intrigues have started between and amongst the interns (myself and my comrades) and the staff of our vet hospital. Rumours have started and among it all, I've been trying to keep my mouth shut as much as possible.
In other words, I've earned myself the reputation of being the perpetually positive, quiet Asian-Canadian girl who eats a lot of fruit.
There could be worse things I suppose.
My latest fear to surface is this:
If I have to slave away for the next five years in order to MAYBE become a surgeon . . . is it worth it?
Slaving away is horrid in and of itself but to add insult to injury, I'm going to be paid below minimum wage to do it.
And the long work hours are nothing compared to the fact that beyond all of this, you're "damned if you do and damned if you don't" . . . which means that you'll get yelled at all the time regardless of if you did the right thing or not.
So, option 1: I put myself through AT LEAST 5 more years of this sh*t so I can work 80 hours a week for the rest of my life doing something I love (but giving up all else that matters).
or,
option 2: I cut my losses after this year and go lead a normal life doing something else entirely that I equally love (ahem, ecosystem health or marine biology)
or,
option 3: I cut my losses and head into private practice (mixed or small) and spend 9-5 doing something I only marginally love but GETTING PAID FOR IT and spend the rest of my time and my FREE WEEKENDS doing the stuff I love (hiking, kayaking, traveling, reading, being creative and spending time with friends and family). Note: I realise I will still have to be on call as a mixed animal vet but at least I get paid extra for it.
Naturally, I was an idiot and didn't keep my mouth shut for once and mentioned my doubts to some of my intern-mates and some of the techs overheard and brought it up in front of some staff doctors.
And now they know I have second thoughts about doing a residency and for that, they judge you harshly (how dare I want to do something other than what they have chosen to devote their life to?!).
It's a bit of a fatalistic blog I'm afraid, but hey, you can't expect me to stay positive all day at work while they beat me down and have me upkeep my pep at home! I'm not a walmart greeter!
Must be the weather too cus the clients have been extra crazy this past week. (one of them somehow breached security and started wandering the restricted access halls of our hospital demanding to know where her dog was).
Sigh.
And so, I must begin another day. Joy of all joys.
Apparently, I'll feel worse in January. Everyone knows that interns want to kill themselves in January.
I can't wait.
In other words, I've earned myself the reputation of being the perpetually positive, quiet Asian-Canadian girl who eats a lot of fruit.
There could be worse things I suppose.
My latest fear to surface is this:
If I have to slave away for the next five years in order to MAYBE become a surgeon . . . is it worth it?
Slaving away is horrid in and of itself but to add insult to injury, I'm going to be paid below minimum wage to do it.
And the long work hours are nothing compared to the fact that beyond all of this, you're "damned if you do and damned if you don't" . . . which means that you'll get yelled at all the time regardless of if you did the right thing or not.
So, option 1: I put myself through AT LEAST 5 more years of this sh*t so I can work 80 hours a week for the rest of my life doing something I love (but giving up all else that matters).
or,
option 2: I cut my losses after this year and go lead a normal life doing something else entirely that I equally love (ahem, ecosystem health or marine biology)
or,
option 3: I cut my losses and head into private practice (mixed or small) and spend 9-5 doing something I only marginally love but GETTING PAID FOR IT and spend the rest of my time and my FREE WEEKENDS doing the stuff I love (hiking, kayaking, traveling, reading, being creative and spending time with friends and family). Note: I realise I will still have to be on call as a mixed animal vet but at least I get paid extra for it.
Naturally, I was an idiot and didn't keep my mouth shut for once and mentioned my doubts to some of my intern-mates and some of the techs overheard and brought it up in front of some staff doctors.
And now they know I have second thoughts about doing a residency and for that, they judge you harshly (how dare I want to do something other than what they have chosen to devote their life to?!).
It's a bit of a fatalistic blog I'm afraid, but hey, you can't expect me to stay positive all day at work while they beat me down and have me upkeep my pep at home! I'm not a walmart greeter!
Must be the weather too cus the clients have been extra crazy this past week. (one of them somehow breached security and started wandering the restricted access halls of our hospital demanding to know where her dog was).
Sigh.
And so, I must begin another day. Joy of all joys.
Apparently, I'll feel worse in January. Everyone knows that interns want to kill themselves in January.
I can't wait.
posted by Viv at 6:35 p.m.
3 Comments:
Interesting place to be... when I was doing my masters I used to obsess over whether or not I was working enough, I wanted to work all of the time with no personal aspects to my life. A fellow grad student who is more relaxed than I told me that you have to consider what's more important to you, if you want to have nothing more in your life than work than all the power to you. You gotta do what you gotta do. We know I choose the work one for a while, but then I met Georgia, a life in which I balance bug work, social time with her, gardening, home repairs, and exercise. I got hit by a car almost two years ago while riding my bike, had a bike spoke ran into my ankle, puncturing an artery. We all could very well die at any point in time, and myself I didn't want to die alone with my holotypes and articles.
Pick Option 3, woman!!! It's funny, all those years of overbearing parents and I.B. have made us overachieving crazy people who work our asses off for the sake of seeking knowledge and impressing the people that we're constantly being judged by. It's time to finally sit back, be selfish, and cash in!!!
I totally agree with Wayne and Salima: You just have to follow your gut.
Don't sit there and weigh out the pros and cons of each. Just close your eyes, clear your mind and just choose the one that you want to do the most - and go with that one.
Either give your choice 110% or maybe you need to decide again :)
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