Damn it! It just never gets any easier.

It was some ungodly hour on a Sunday morning when most decent folk would be curled up in their beds contemplating where to go for brunch, but instead, I found myself driving to work. The streets of Baltimore were deserted and I admired the lack of traffic and the beautiful spectrum of sunrise as I took the ramp onto the freeway.

I drove by the old cemetery that I drive past every morning and the image of stone angels against the bud-covered trees and pink purple sky was breath-taking. I talked myself into a positive frame of mind and decided that working on a Sunday was not such a bad thing.

A roadkill raccoon and possum on the side of the road that had been there for about a week broke me out of my reverie and suddenly, my cell phone began ringing. I tried to ignore it but my conscience got the better of me. I answered.

"Dr. Lau? It's [my tech]"
"Yep? What's up?"
"Um, you know that dog you diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago?"
"Ye-eess?"
"He came in on emergency last night and he's not looking so good right now. How soon are you going to be in?"

I inwardly groaned then collected myself and gave her some instructions to keep the dog stable till I could get there. Then I stepped on the gas.

That set the tone of my morning and we had a bunch of emergencies, tough appointments and crazy owners to keep me occupied well past when I was supposed to leave. I tried my best to keep the cancer dog comfortable and stable but a few hours into my shift, I went to check on him again.

As soon as he saw me, it was like he was waiting for someone to be there, and he took some huge agonal breaths. I had seen enough animals die during my internship to know what that meant and I rushed to the phone to call the owners again.
"Get him on the table! Grab my CPR drugs!" I barked at my techs.

The dog was 92 lbs and I could hear my techs swear at me under their breaths as they hoisted him onto the surgery table.

I witnessed his last agonal breaths just a few minutes before his owners arrived at my clinic.

It was heartbreaking and I have to say that it's true- it just never gets any easier.

It was dark before I managed to leave the clinic again and I realized, sadly, that I had never seen the highway on my home-bound commute when it was light out. I probably wouldn't even recognize it in the sunlight.

I have the next two days off to recuperate from the week. I have big plans to exercise, shop, read and basically veg. I am embracing the warmer weather and have been trying to run outside as much as possible. I also finally have enough money to go shopping for some much needed exercise clothes! (I kid you not, I've been wearing my gym shorts from grade 10).

Time to put the week behind me and get on with life.