The Simple Life
It was mid afternoon, I'd just wrestled my way through flying an enormously fat swainson's hawk around it's cage 8 times (the damned thing hoards its food and beats up the other birds to eat their food too and is too lazy to fly so I essentially had to pick it up and toss it back and forth with Smelly kid 8 times to get it to flap its wings. We've nicknamed it 'Big bird' and 'Fatty McFatterson').
My new heels were killing me. I had one bird left to feed. It was Jasmine, the education outreach bird which I am supposed to be training and handling this year so that I can bring her to elementary schools and give talks and stuff.
Unfortunately, Jasmine was tamed last year but left to her own devices in the outside barn all summer and thus, has returned to being somewhat ferrel.
I walked up to her door and I suppose she could smell the food cus I heard her squawking away in there. I opened the door gingerly and stuck a foot inside. "SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!" A huge pile of feathers and claws came swooping down. I screamed, took my foot out and slammed hte door shut just in time for her to thwump into it.
She seemed a bit dazed so I opened the door again and this time, I went in completely.
She swooped down at my shoulder and proceeded to claw herself up my head. When she was well perched on my ponytail, I threw down her food, threw her off my head and fled.
I wandered in from the outside bird barn with the rotting, left-over chicks which the falcons and hawks had refused to eat the day before. As I entered the exotics ward, I looked down.
"CRAP! I have hawk crap all over my new Gap jeans!" I cried in anger.
Kurtis, one of my classmates, and Smelly kid were in the X-ward feeding birds too. "then why the heck did you dress so nice Vivian if you knew you were going to feed birds?"
"Makes it easier to catch them." I said and gave a girly head toss.
Kurtis and Smelly Kid just rolled their eyes and continued medicating the birds they were holding.
Meanwhile, Stew, a 30-something portly 1st-year guy walked in and I had to show him how to feed the birds properly. He used to be a teacher and taught convicts and criminals in Calgary rehab but had changed his mind after a few years of that and decided to pursue his dream of veterinary medicine. (Poor sod. Doesn't realise it's probably safer working with the convicts.)
"So what you want to do is grab the dead chicks from the bag like this." I grabbed out a rather black and juicy looking one that was dripping everywhere, "And then you want to cut off the head and pull its skin off with the legs. Then you just cut up the whole body into little pieces. You can cut right through their bones cus they're not that thick yet."
Stew looked at me uncertainly from behind his glasses. "Uh, what do I cut them with?"
"Oh, I like the scissors. I guess you could use the razor too."
He took up one of the chicks uncertainly and cut into it with the razor. It spurted yellow yolky stuff everywhere from the chick's belly. "They never told me about this when I applied to get in here." he murmured and looked kind of sick.
I hastily helped him skin the rest and in my haste, just ripped them apart with my hands as they were rotting so badly they were kind of soft. I left him to the feeding and returned to my task of chucking out left over chicks.
Suddenly, one of the wildlife intern vets came in looking all official with his white jacket and stethescope. he was holding a kennel with strange growling sounds coming from within.
"How are you with handling ferocious birds?" he asked me.
"Uh, OK. Why?"
"I need you to help me with something.You sure you can handle ferocious birds?"
I nodded and followed him through to the other room.
"Better get the face shield and long gloves for this one." He said to me and eyed me uncertainly.
Leather gloves and face shield in place, I felt like Homer from the front credits of the Simpsons. The kennel was on the ground now but whatever was inside was knocking it around the floor like a sack full of angry cats.
I warily opened the kennel door and reached in. The angriest bird I'd ever seen in my life (and I've seen some angry birds in my time) came at me, talons extended. I managed to grab a hold of it but it hand extended its wings, effectively trapping it in the kennel, refusing to come out. I reached in, wrestled a bit more while the vet guided me through it bit by bit.
"that's right. Be careful of the primary feathers. Yeah. We just got him in from the Saskatoon Zoo. It's a ferruginous hawk and they're notoriously nasty."
I got the thing out and was holding it upside down by its feet while it was flapping and struggling like crazy. "Grab it from behind like this. Now bring up its head and hold it to your body." I tried to grab it from behind but it ended up freeing one of its legs in the process and it began sturggling harder. I grabbed it again and this time, managed to get it upright and restrained.
We eventually got it into its cage and I breathed a sigh of relief. My face shield had fogged up cus I was sweating and exhausted. I could hear the hawk banging around in its cage. It was not a happy camper.
"Whew. Great job back there. Thanks."
I nodded and went to check on the degu which was a new case in the ward. Degus are little rodents that resemble something between a mouse and a gopher and have yellow teeth that grow continuously. This one had a nasty tumour on its ear and Chris, one of my classmates was showing his girlfriend around the ward. "This is the degu! It's like a giant mouse!" he told her excitedly. The girl stood there in her heels and with her pink jacket and white leather purse clutched in her well-groomed hand and went, "Eww."
I closed the door to the mammals room and went back in to the bird ward. Stew, the first year, was now cutting up chicks for the great horned owl. He had blood and guts all over his hands and wrists. "Isn't this so much better than teaching?" I said and smiled at him. He looked like he wanted to cry.
"Oh, and I forgot to tell you, you can wear gloves if you want."
He grunted back at me.
I left the X-ward and headed to the locker rooms to get my stuff so I could head home. I passed several people on the way who stared at me a little longer than usual but I thought nothing of it. Afterall, I was covered in bird crap. I got to the locker room and I looked in the mirror and gasped.
Not only did I have crap all over me, I also had feathers in my hair, black smudges of goodness knows what all over my face and I had some feathers stuck to my chin.
Luckily, it was the end of the day and I could go home to shower and do some laundry. I walked the walk of shame 12 minutes back to my apartment while passing lots of curious strangers along the way and finally made it home.
I sighed as I trudged up the stairs to the top floor and unlocked my door. As I chucked my clothes into my laundry basket, more feathers flew out from my shirt collar and I could smell the aroma of all the animals I had worked with this week- chickens, wild birds, the odd dog and cow. My runners were covered in mud and hay and I could smell sheep placenta on my jeans.
Some days, I wonder if a life of teaching criminals and convicts might have been easier and more fulfilling. The birds, like criminals, seem like they want to kill me too but at least with criminals, you don't have to cut up gross dead things for them to eat and they don't poop all over your new jeans.
Showered and clean, I sat on the floor with a glass of instant lemonade and thought about it.
I may smell bad and claim that it sucks working with things that want to kill me all the time.
I say that, but really, I like my life.
It's been a helluva week though and I am tired. I spilled my bacterial sample all over me in the Bacteriology lab and I got picked on for a spontaneous presentation in pathology. I had my first student's association meeting and I also found out that the test I thought I failed last week I actually ended up passing and did quite decently. I'm shocked but absolutely overjoyed about it. I passed and I dont have to go see my advisor! Wheeeeeee!
Meanwhile, tomorrow is "Round up" which is a giant vet med party held in some ncie place downtown every year as a fundraiser for the 3rd year's grad. Should be fun. It's the one time of year when all of us get to go out and dress up and not smell like cows. Or at least we try not to.
And that's it for now folks. Toodles and take care everyone!
Oh and try not to get pooped on by any eagles and if you do get pooped on, don't panic. It'll only burn through your clothes if you don't wash it out right away.
-Vivian 'eagle poo' Lau
PS: The first vet to ever win a Nobel Prize came in to talk to our school the other day. Pretty cool. He does research on immunology and I only caught a bit of his speech and a glimpse of his head as there were so many people there that I was forced to stand at the back of the lecture hall on tip toe to hear or see anything. I hate being short.
PPS: All the 3rd year guys came in and mooned our class today. It's a tradition in the college as part of the "Round up" celebrations. My Bacteriology prof who's this cool Mexican guy stood there and after raising his eyebrows said, "I've been teaching here too long and I've seen more veterinarians asses than i ever cared to see."
My new heels were killing me. I had one bird left to feed. It was Jasmine, the education outreach bird which I am supposed to be training and handling this year so that I can bring her to elementary schools and give talks and stuff.
Unfortunately, Jasmine was tamed last year but left to her own devices in the outside barn all summer and thus, has returned to being somewhat ferrel.
I walked up to her door and I suppose she could smell the food cus I heard her squawking away in there. I opened the door gingerly and stuck a foot inside. "SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!" A huge pile of feathers and claws came swooping down. I screamed, took my foot out and slammed hte door shut just in time for her to thwump into it.
She seemed a bit dazed so I opened the door again and this time, I went in completely.
She swooped down at my shoulder and proceeded to claw herself up my head. When she was well perched on my ponytail, I threw down her food, threw her off my head and fled.
I wandered in from the outside bird barn with the rotting, left-over chicks which the falcons and hawks had refused to eat the day before. As I entered the exotics ward, I looked down.
"CRAP! I have hawk crap all over my new Gap jeans!" I cried in anger.
Kurtis, one of my classmates, and Smelly kid were in the X-ward feeding birds too. "then why the heck did you dress so nice Vivian if you knew you were going to feed birds?"
"Makes it easier to catch them." I said and gave a girly head toss.
Kurtis and Smelly Kid just rolled their eyes and continued medicating the birds they were holding.
Meanwhile, Stew, a 30-something portly 1st-year guy walked in and I had to show him how to feed the birds properly. He used to be a teacher and taught convicts and criminals in Calgary rehab but had changed his mind after a few years of that and decided to pursue his dream of veterinary medicine. (Poor sod. Doesn't realise it's probably safer working with the convicts.)
"So what you want to do is grab the dead chicks from the bag like this." I grabbed out a rather black and juicy looking one that was dripping everywhere, "And then you want to cut off the head and pull its skin off with the legs. Then you just cut up the whole body into little pieces. You can cut right through their bones cus they're not that thick yet."
Stew looked at me uncertainly from behind his glasses. "Uh, what do I cut them with?"
"Oh, I like the scissors. I guess you could use the razor too."
He took up one of the chicks uncertainly and cut into it with the razor. It spurted yellow yolky stuff everywhere from the chick's belly. "They never told me about this when I applied to get in here." he murmured and looked kind of sick.
I hastily helped him skin the rest and in my haste, just ripped them apart with my hands as they were rotting so badly they were kind of soft. I left him to the feeding and returned to my task of chucking out left over chicks.
Suddenly, one of the wildlife intern vets came in looking all official with his white jacket and stethescope. he was holding a kennel with strange growling sounds coming from within.
"How are you with handling ferocious birds?" he asked me.
"Uh, OK. Why?"
"I need you to help me with something.You sure you can handle ferocious birds?"
I nodded and followed him through to the other room.
"Better get the face shield and long gloves for this one." He said to me and eyed me uncertainly.
Leather gloves and face shield in place, I felt like Homer from the front credits of the Simpsons. The kennel was on the ground now but whatever was inside was knocking it around the floor like a sack full of angry cats.
I warily opened the kennel door and reached in. The angriest bird I'd ever seen in my life (and I've seen some angry birds in my time) came at me, talons extended. I managed to grab a hold of it but it hand extended its wings, effectively trapping it in the kennel, refusing to come out. I reached in, wrestled a bit more while the vet guided me through it bit by bit.
"that's right. Be careful of the primary feathers. Yeah. We just got him in from the Saskatoon Zoo. It's a ferruginous hawk and they're notoriously nasty."
I got the thing out and was holding it upside down by its feet while it was flapping and struggling like crazy. "Grab it from behind like this. Now bring up its head and hold it to your body." I tried to grab it from behind but it ended up freeing one of its legs in the process and it began sturggling harder. I grabbed it again and this time, managed to get it upright and restrained.
We eventually got it into its cage and I breathed a sigh of relief. My face shield had fogged up cus I was sweating and exhausted. I could hear the hawk banging around in its cage. It was not a happy camper.
"Whew. Great job back there. Thanks."
I nodded and went to check on the degu which was a new case in the ward. Degus are little rodents that resemble something between a mouse and a gopher and have yellow teeth that grow continuously. This one had a nasty tumour on its ear and Chris, one of my classmates was showing his girlfriend around the ward. "This is the degu! It's like a giant mouse!" he told her excitedly. The girl stood there in her heels and with her pink jacket and white leather purse clutched in her well-groomed hand and went, "Eww."
I closed the door to the mammals room and went back in to the bird ward. Stew, the first year, was now cutting up chicks for the great horned owl. He had blood and guts all over his hands and wrists. "Isn't this so much better than teaching?" I said and smiled at him. He looked like he wanted to cry.
"Oh, and I forgot to tell you, you can wear gloves if you want."
He grunted back at me.
I left the X-ward and headed to the locker rooms to get my stuff so I could head home. I passed several people on the way who stared at me a little longer than usual but I thought nothing of it. Afterall, I was covered in bird crap. I got to the locker room and I looked in the mirror and gasped.
Not only did I have crap all over me, I also had feathers in my hair, black smudges of goodness knows what all over my face and I had some feathers stuck to my chin.
Luckily, it was the end of the day and I could go home to shower and do some laundry. I walked the walk of shame 12 minutes back to my apartment while passing lots of curious strangers along the way and finally made it home.
I sighed as I trudged up the stairs to the top floor and unlocked my door. As I chucked my clothes into my laundry basket, more feathers flew out from my shirt collar and I could smell the aroma of all the animals I had worked with this week- chickens, wild birds, the odd dog and cow. My runners were covered in mud and hay and I could smell sheep placenta on my jeans.
Some days, I wonder if a life of teaching criminals and convicts might have been easier and more fulfilling. The birds, like criminals, seem like they want to kill me too but at least with criminals, you don't have to cut up gross dead things for them to eat and they don't poop all over your new jeans.
Showered and clean, I sat on the floor with a glass of instant lemonade and thought about it.
I may smell bad and claim that it sucks working with things that want to kill me all the time.
I say that, but really, I like my life.
It's been a helluva week though and I am tired. I spilled my bacterial sample all over me in the Bacteriology lab and I got picked on for a spontaneous presentation in pathology. I had my first student's association meeting and I also found out that the test I thought I failed last week I actually ended up passing and did quite decently. I'm shocked but absolutely overjoyed about it. I passed and I dont have to go see my advisor! Wheeeeeee!
Meanwhile, tomorrow is "Round up" which is a giant vet med party held in some ncie place downtown every year as a fundraiser for the 3rd year's grad. Should be fun. It's the one time of year when all of us get to go out and dress up and not smell like cows. Or at least we try not to.
And that's it for now folks. Toodles and take care everyone!
Oh and try not to get pooped on by any eagles and if you do get pooped on, don't panic. It'll only burn through your clothes if you don't wash it out right away.
-Vivian 'eagle poo' Lau
PS: The first vet to ever win a Nobel Prize came in to talk to our school the other day. Pretty cool. He does research on immunology and I only caught a bit of his speech and a glimpse of his head as there were so many people there that I was forced to stand at the back of the lecture hall on tip toe to hear or see anything. I hate being short.
PPS: All the 3rd year guys came in and mooned our class today. It's a tradition in the college as part of the "Round up" celebrations. My Bacteriology prof who's this cool Mexican guy stood there and after raising his eyebrows said, "I've been teaching here too long and I've seen more veterinarians asses than i ever cared to see."
posted by Viv at 3:05 p.m.
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